Celina 52 Truck Stop

[image] CUSTOMERS: Please stop asking our attractive Cashier if her "carpet matches the drapes." She broke down in tears after being asked multiple times recently. AFC is well aware of her terrible interior design skills and inability to afford nice carpet on the hourly wage we pay her.

[image] We apologize for the limited access to parts of our store this week. We let our attractive cashier order inventory for more responsibilities and she put our Zip Code into the quantity field when ordering Funyuns. We now have 38,555 bags of Funyuns which are buy one get 50 free

[image] Our gas price sign has glitched this morning and is displaying random letters. The message in no way reflects our opinion of our customers. We have chosen to leave the message for now as customers have told us it is less offensive than our actual gas prices.

[image] Please obey our 2mph parking lot speed limit at all times. This customer was traveling at roughly double the speed limit when he lost control of his scooter and was ejaculated 70 feet after striking a cigarette butt. The elderly man was taken to a local hospital where he later

[image] HISTORIC DISCOVERY: Our lot worker Nevaeh discovered a buried Gatorade glass bottle near the scales while picking up truck driver urine jugs. The bottle likely dates back to the late 1800s. We will be sending it to a lab to determine the liquid is the original Gatorade or piss.

[image] We have allowed our Employee Nevaeh to market her homemade incest at the truck stop to help fund her legal battle with ex-stepfather/husband Jerry over who has to keep their son. Nevaeh has lavender, vanilla, and pine scents available for just $4 a stick. Please stop in and help

[image] Gladys was permanently banned from our store yesterday after passive-aggressively muttering "Have a Good Day" to our Cashier before leaving. Our customers are free to come and go as they please, but at no point may they tell our staff what to do. We are disabling comments.

[image] Our mechanical horse was taken out of service after we found a feral man living inside it during a routine 20 year inspection yesterday. We learned he had been manually rocking the horse since 2007. The man admitted to exiting the horses butt area every night to scavenge for

[image] As part of our investment in our staff, we began taking life insurance policies out on our Employees following a mandatory physical at the store. Every Celina 52 employee is valuable to us, and we feel it is important to put a dollar amount on it. Employees who think they're

[image] HEADS UP: A fender bender near the scales is causing traffic backups in the parking lot. Customers are welcome to help with the accident clean up for only $5 per cup. We apologize for any incontinence this has caused.